The Titanium Lawnmower
by Conservatoons
Summary: When Peggy loses her job in real-estate, she begins to lash it out on Hank. Meanwhile, Hank creates a titanium replica of his lawnmower. And let's just say it ends... Strange.


It was just a normal day in Arlen. Standing by a fence were four friends. Hank, a hardworking, nearsighted man with a temper. Dale, a scrawny, paranoid exterminator. Bill, a depressed balding fat man. And Boomhaur, a womanizer with horrible pronunciation.

"Check it out gentlemen." Hank said. He pulled out a titanium replica of his lawnmower. Of course, it was only the size

of his fist.

"Ooohhh!" Said Dale, Bill, and Boomhaur.

"Yep, it took me some time, but I finally managed to pull it off." Hank said.

"Dang ol' man, I tell ya what, dat got-dang lawnmower replica, is dang ol' beautiful man." Boomhaur said.

"Hey, could you do one of my lawnmower?" Dale said.

"Uh, well it could take some time, but I think I could make one for you." Hank said.

"Hey! You know you could make some money doing that!" Bill said.

"Hmm, I think I could!" Hank said, enthusiastically.

The four guys were drinking their Alamo beer, until Hank's fat, Late-blooming son, Bobby appeared.

"Dad! Mom want's to talk to you. She said something about the Super Bowl tickets." Bobby said.

Hank felt nervous. Peggy had been fussing at him these past weeks. She hadn't been the same ever since she lost her job

in real-estate. It's like she keeps getting angry at Hank because she want's "him" to lose his job, so it doesn't look

like she's the only one who failed in this family. Hank was so excited when he got his Super Bowl tickets. It was the Cowboys against the Colts, and him and his family were going to get front row seats to the event.

Hank sighed. "Well, I better head home then." He entered the kitchen. Peggy was leaning her elbow against the

refrigerator, with a disgusting smirk on her face. "Hey Hank." She said, acting cold towards him. Hank moved the

kitchen chair in her direction, sitting down using his tailbone, due to his diminished glutes.

"Remember when you said you'd get me those shoes I wanted?" Peggy said.

Hank started to blush. "Uh, well... You see... Th-they didn't have your shoe size. I-it wasn't qualified as... A lady's

shoe size..."

Peggy then walked towards him, with a shocked expression. She gasped with offensiveness. "What? Are you saying I

have men's-"

"No!" Hank cut her off. "That's what they told me, I didn't say anything about your feet!"

"And why the "Heck" did you get Super Bowl tickets?" Peggy said, always censoring her language whenever Bobby was

around.

"Oh that? Hehe." Hank chuckled. "Aren't you excited too? We're going to the Super Bowl as a family."

"No, i'm not! I could care less about football! And did you spend this with my shoe money?" Peggy said, looking at

Hank with her stinker eyes.

"Um, well, y-you see peg, I got those tickets bec-"

"Did. You. Steal. My. Money?" Peggy said. Hank got up, but not before Peggy moved to the Kitchen sink.

"Um... Yes, but i thought the Super Bo-"

"I can't believe you Hank!" She said, as she always made Hank the enemy.

"We can always get you some shoes later." Hank said, trying to make her happy.

"It's just that the Super Bowl comes once every year! And we have front row seats!" Hank said, trying to make it sound

exciting.

But Peggy wasn't excited. She was so mad about what Hank did. It was always about him, she thought. Of course, Hank

did this, because he wanted to please his family.

"Look, there's still plenty of money left. The tickets were on sale." Hank said.

"Oh, you mean "these" tickets?" Peggy pulled out the three tickets for the Super Bowl. Hank's face was in shock.

"You went through my wallet?" Hank said, feeling vulnerable about what Peggy did. "You know, this whole thing was

supposed to be a surprise!" Hank said, beginning to get angry. He then marched towards Peggy. Bobby was hearing

the whole thing in the living room, pacing and pacing. He even started to get anxiety farts. Peggy suddenly did the

unthinkable. She turned on the garbage disposal!

"If you think these stupid football tickets were worth buying than my shoes, you can have them!" She said, screaming

at the top of her lungs. At this point, Bobby ran out of the house, knowing all hell was about to break loose.

"Noooooo!" Hank screamed, with his hand reaching towards the tickets. But it was too late. Peggy had already dropped

the tickets in. Hank saw the tickets destroyed in front of his eyes.

"Now then!" Peggy said, as if nothing happened. "I want you to use the rest of your money, "and" your work money, to

buy me my shoes! I don't care how long it takes, i just want my damn shoes!" Peggy said, not censoring herself since

Bobby was out of the house. She then rambled on about the lawn, and his job, telling him to work harder. In the middle

of her rant, Hank balled his hand into a fist. He couldn't take it anymore. He was tired of being yelled at by the former

substitute Spanish teacher. But before he was about to do it, he saw his titanium lawnmower that he left on his kitchen

table. "Hey! You know you could make some money doing that!" Bill's words were in Hank's head. He then grabbed

the replica, ignoring Peggy's rant. He picked it up and walked towards Peggy.

"And just what is that thing?" Peggy said, with a disgusted look. "What? Did you spend my money on that too?" She said,

acting like a know-it-all.

"Peggy, I worked really hard on this!" Hank said.

"Oh, so you made this?" Peggy said, acting unimpressed.

"Yep, and i think i could make alot of money making these things, hehe." Hank said, as he chuckled. He had almost

completely forgotten about what Peggy did. Maybe this was a way to make more money, since Peggy lost her job.

But I think we all know how Peggy Hill is...

"Hank! I don't care about your stupid, stupid replica!" She said, with much hate.

"It's always about you being the man of the house! But what about me making money? I am not worthless!" Peggy said,

as she was spitting at Hank's face.

"I'm not saying your worthless!" Hank cried out.

"Oh sure, you can say that, but i know you think i'm just an ego-maniacal, selfish, ignorant hick from Tennessee!"

She said, once again at Hank's face.

There was a moment of silence. Hank wanted to say something, but he knew his wife would shut him up. So he

decided to make up with her.

"...Hey Peggy, you look pretty!" Hank said, with a grin on his face, putting his hand on her shoulder.

"That's not gonna work on me anymore, you pig!" She then spit in Hank's face, and took his lawnmower replica.

She marched outside, with Hank running after her.

"No! My Lawnmower!" Hank cried out in anger.

Dale, Bill, and Boomhaur were still drinking beer in the ally, hearing the ruckus that was going on at Hank's house.

They then walked towards Hank's backyard when they appeared outside. Peggy was taunting Hank with his replica,

waving it in the air. Hank was afraid to go near her, since he knows how vicious she can be.

"Peggy, please give it back! I'm sorry about what I said!" Hank said, feeling emasculated. By this time, Kahn and Minh

were witnessing what was going on in their backyard. "Hey look Minh, redneck backyard brawl" he said behind Hank's

fence.

"Peggy, i'll get you your shoes, just please give me my replica back!" Hank said, beginning to get aggravated.

Peggy was thinking about how he spent so much time on this, and could've been using his spare time on her. She

suddenly got furious.

"I don't care!" She screamed, as she threw the replica at Hank. Hank managed to dodge it, as he jumped out of the way.

But Peggy forgot one thing... She forgot that Hank was in front of his grill! The replica got lodged in the propane tank,

just seconds away from exploding.

"RUUUUUNNNN!" Dale cried out. Everyone ran away, except Peggy. The propane tank exploded, disintegrating

Peggy Hill. There was suddenly a moment of silence. Everyone looked at the sight, only to see Hank's burnt lawn and

Peggy's glasses. Hank got up and went towards the area. "Oh ma lord!" Hank said. "My beautiful lawn!"

THE END


End file.
